01/12/2008

Westerners have frequently called Asians “inscrutable”, referring to the difficulty they have in discovering what they really think, something the politicians of the West must find hard these days.

Many years ago, when, as a young man, I began to get to know many Asians, I did not find any veil between us. Perhaps that is because none of us had lived much life, and time had not yet allowed us to make the kind of mistakes we wanted to hide.

From that period I did get to know one ethnic Chinese quite well, and he explained to me the concept of forming a relationship with his kind.

“An Asian has a hard shell around him,” he said. “If you want to make a friend, you have to break through this hard shell, and when you do you will find him soft inside.” I wondered how one went about this maneuver.

As time passed, I discovered that extending love to him like a brother was the critical factor, as we both had been taught from the Bible. In time, he and I became firm friends. He went back to Asia and I stayed in the West. Our relationship survived a long separation.

Once, when I needed it most, he sent me money. He did not know I had a need.

Years later, we caught up again when I visited his country. He cared for me as one of his family. Taking my cue from him, I extended friendship to his cousin, when he was in my country. And my friend once came to my country and stayed in my home.

We have met from time to time over the years, and each time have resumed our relationship where we had left off. He had married, and so had I. Yet never once did I experience that unreadable person, the man inside the shell.

Face, to an Asian, is personal glory and influence, and it must be saved—protected—at all costs. (Wikipedia has a helpful entry on the subject.)

But saving face is not limited to the Chinese, or Asians. It is alive and well in the West. I have long ago come to view all autobiographies as an exercise in face-saving. My years in reporting have taught me that all people speaking to the media lie at some time, or at the least, omit damaging information.

If ever anyone wants write me up, which is unlikely, I will be happy to tell them about my life, for my life is not my own and my security lies not in what the population thinks.